Monday, June 4, 2012

Monday, Monday

It's Monday again.  It's a day that, I feel, gets a bad rap from the world in general.  Sure, it's the start of the work-week, the school-week, the back-to-the-grind day that signals an end to weekend fun and relaxation and pure unscheduled time.  Back to the routine, the rush, the stress and strain and have-to-be-there-at-a-certain-time tension.  And we all dread that, right?

There's another side to it, though, if you want to see it.  Monday may be back to work, but it's also a new beginning.  When things haven't been going well in my life - whether I'm struggling to eat right, slacking on my gym time, feeling less than productive, or there's extra tension around my house - I adore Mondays, because they feel like a whole new chance to start fresh and get it right.  It's like a miniature New Year's Day for me.  Maybe, if we all made Monday resolutions instead of New Year's Resolutions, we'd have a better chance at doing whatever it is we want so badly to do each year - lose weight, pay off debt, get fit, find love, be better parents, you name it.  If we took it in manageable, week-long bites, maybe it wouldn't seem do daunting, or so crushing when we slip up.  So I ate that cupcake - Monday's a new week!  I didn't lose my 2 pounds this week, or I even gained?  Well, I'll start fresh Monday.  I don't have to wait for next year. 

This could be misused, of course.  It's Friday, and I don't want to be the only one not drinking at the party tomorrow night, so what the heck, I'll take the weekend off.  I can start again Monday, right?  That part's up to you, and it's down to how badly you want whatever it might be.  But for me, Monday feels like a motivator.  New week, new chance, new perspective.

I had a rough weekend.  Actually, I've had a rough few months, but the weekend was bad in a new sort of way.  It's thrown me off balance and I'm struggling with even staying focused and functional, let alone motivated and self-disciplined.  But, because it's Monday, I know that (a) the weekend is over, with all its bad connotations; and (b) this is my chance to commit to a course of action that will keep me strong, healthy, energetic and focused.  So I'm making a commitment to do that, for one week.  I can do anything for one week, right?  :-)

Happy Monday!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The Value of a Memory

First, the routine stuff:  Today's smoothie is apple-pear with spinach, romaine, the inevitable banana and cinnamon.  It is absolutely delicious.

Earlier this week I tried an Avocado-Kiwi.  It was my first effort with avocado.  It was not delicious.  Possibly it was the fact that I knew there was avocado in it (I don't like avocado, but I'm conscious of its health benefits, hence my desire to disguise it with fruit and consume it in smoothie form), or possibly it was just not a good day for me to try to be friends with so much green stuff, but either way, I could barely choke it down.  We will be retiring that one to the ranks of failed experiments.  I've been fortunate that there haven't been many.

But today's is good.  You can't go wrong with apples and spinach, you really can't.  It's a good fallback position while I try to figure out my next move.  I really want to be adventurous.  I'm just...not.

I've had a good week, so far.  Cutting back on caffeine has helped me to feel a little better, though I'll admit I was really cranky and draggy yesterday.  I think I was glutened at some point over the weekend and I'm still trying to shake off the aftereffects.  Either that, or I have a very mild stomach bug.  Either way, it's not horrible - I've definitely had worse! - but not a ton of fun either.  Still, I'm getting by.  I'm sticking with the meditation; B. has been getting up early and meditating with me each morning, which will be good for both of us.  Today's mediation was on anger, and after we finished I talked with her about what it all meant, and how it can help us when we get angry and need to be able to keep the anger from ruling us and making us do things that aren't so smart.  It was a great teaching moment.

Now for the not-so-routine:  I was going to write about living with arthritis today - a post that's been begging to be set free for a week or so now - but I think it can wait another couple of days.  I got some very sad news last night; my daughter called me from college, where she shares a dorm room with S., the daughter of my former church youth directors. S. is very good friends with the daughter of a couple for whom my mother, sister and I used to babysit.  Last night, the husband of that couple passed away from an apparent heart attack.  It was very sudden, completely unexpected, and is absolutely tragic.  He was, I want to say, in his late forties, possibly very early fifties, apparently healthy, and no one saw this coming in any way.  His 23-year-old son, the boy I used to babysit, who was ringbearer in my wedding and whom I will always see as a dark-haired, chubby-cheeked three-year-old angel, was the first one on the scene after it happened.  (I'm trying to find a delicate way of saying "found his father dead" and isn't that just absurd?  It isn't delicate, it isn't polite, it's horrible and tragic and devastating and ugly and wrong.)

It's just awful.  It's unfair.  It's not something that should happen, and I don't even want to believe it.  It also underscores the importance of living your priorities, every moment, and never taking a single second for granted.  Everyone dies.  Not everyone who dies is very old, or sick, or in any way ready.  Death doesn't screen you for risk factors before it takes you.  It doesn't ask you if you think it's time.  It doesn't canvass the community to see how much you will be missed, or check with your family members to make sure that all that needs to be said and done has been said and done.  It's Death, and it doesn't care.  It just takes you, when it decides its time.

Absent extraordinary circumstances, you can't really be ready for death.  No matter how hard we try, there will always be time unspent, words unsaid, apologies unmade, forgiveness withheld, feelings unexpressed, wisdom unshared.  Life is like that, and we simply can't manage complete closure with everyone in our lives every day.  But we can live each day in such a way that, if today turns out to be our time, after all, those we love will be left with as many warm, loving memories as possible.  They will need them.  Those memories will be their only strength in a time of inexpressible sorrow and bewilderment.

I know J's family has many of those memories.  They may not be much comfort right now - nothing will - but eventually, they will be more precious than gold.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Busy, Busy...

Just a quick post...I've been super busy all week, both at work and at home, so I just haven't had time to write.

I'm starting something this week, though, that I need to memorialize.  I think that each week, I'd like to pick a couple of healthy changes I need to make and focus on those.  I want to make them sustainable, so I'm only picking one or two.  If I need more than a week to solidify them, then I'll take more, but I really would like to add something new each week.

I've already started the smoothies and watching my calories, and I'm going to tighten up on that, weeding out the areas where I've been a little lax.  That one doesn't really count as a change, just increased effort.  I'm focused very intently on quality of calories, because I've learned all too well that "calories-in, calories-out" is a vast oversimplification of what's needed for healthy, sustainable weight loss.  Also, having an autoimmune disorder makes it absolutely imperative that I focus on nutrient balance.  (It's absolutely imperative for everybody.  An autoimmune disorder just means your body won't allow you to forget it.) 

This week, I'm going to focus on cutting back on my caffeine intake - that's been a slippery slope for me, and since I use half-and-half in my coffee, it's a calorie issue as well as excess caffeine.  I do believe the research supports that a little caffeine is healthy, but Friday I caught myself on my fifth cup, and later drank a Diet Coke or two.  Definitely a slipper slope!  So that's my first area of focus.

The second will be exercise.  I've been working toward that one as well, so I'm not sure if it counts as a change, but I'm going to focus on getting in five solid days of a decent workout.  That will also have to include being diligent in my stretching and myofascial release (because there's no WAY I can exercise consistently without doing that) so that one definitely counts.

I have another post in mind, specifically arthritis-related, but today's a busy day (again) so who knows when it will actually be written...if only Dragon could write a software that would transcribe directly from your mind, without the necessity of speaking...

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Smoothie Time!

I'm excited this morning, and feeling very positive, because I feel like I'm getting back into the groove of things.  I really just need a couple of days in a row of getting things right - which, for me, means I'm meditating, I'm exercising, I'm eating clean, I'm drinking my smoothies, and I'm staying on task relatively well - to start feeling like Superwoman.  It's a great feeling.  This is one of those feelings I wish I could bottle and save for days when I'm struggling.

We're doing well at making Monday and Wednesday nights regular Y workout nights.  That's a big thing for me, because even though it's only two days a week, just the fact of having regular workout nights puts me in the right mindset for taking care of myself and observing healthy behaviors.  It makes it easier to do the things I need to do the rest of the time, because I feel I have that momentum.  I do make sure to make them really great workouts, just in case they end up being my only two, but the truth is they generally aren't.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I can generally get a decent workout playing Wii Sports, and when I get bored with that (which I figure I will in a week or so) I can use the WiiFit or my Jillian Michaels Wii workout (I have to work up to that one.  Jillian doesn't mess around, and I've been out of the game for a while now!) or I also have a yoga workout for the Wii...so I have plenty of options. 

Weekends are harder, simply because I don't have a regular routine.  The day progresses however it happens to progress, and while I have plenty of opportunities to fit in a workout, I tend not to do so.  This is something I need to work on - my tendency to need a set, regular routine to make me exercise.  For now, however, I'm choosing to be pleased with where I am rather than being dissatisfied because it's "not enough".  It's more than it was two weeks ago, and that's great.  This is me being happy with that. 

The smoothies really make a difference as well, to a surprising extent.  I keep being amazed by the increase in energy and focus, the improvement in physical and mental function, and the fact that I have fewer cravings and energy slumps. 

Today's smoothie is kiwi, strawberry, banana, baby spinach and kale.  And about 6 ounces of water.  This one is thinner than some of my recent efforts, which is nice, and it's absolutely delightful.  I'm relieved by that; I've been a little afraid of the kale, because word on the street (yes, Incredible Smoothies, where else?) is that kale has a stronger flavor and is a bit harder to cover than spinach or romaine.  I really hate leafy vegetables (which is why I'm doing smoothies to begin with!) so I was wary, but the kiwi-strawberry-banana combo is an awesome cover; I don't taste anything else.  It's a little sweet, a little tart, and totally delicious.  It's also about 377 calories for the whole thing; I drink half in the morning and half in the afternoon, so I'm under 200 calories with each and I definitely feel full; I won't want anything else until lunchtime.  The biggest thing, of course, is I'm getting massive amounts of Vitamins A, C, and B6, calcium, potassium...and I'm getting them from an ideal source - fresh, whole, organically grown foods. 

It's no wonder I feel good.  :-)

Monday, January 23, 2012

My Morning Cup of Peace

I've decided that I really can't miss a day of meditation.  My game plan has been meditation first thing in the morning, to start the day off on a certain note.  I've seen this discussed in several forums (or fora, if you prefer the Latin), and while it immediately made sense to me, I have to admit I dismissed the possibility of applying it in my own life.  I'm very protective of my sleep-time, and I'm not a fan of mornings.  I'm generally very rushed and barely manage to get out the door on time, so the idea of somehow building even fifteen extra minutes into my morning routine seemed ludicrous at best.

Eventually I recovered my good sense enough to remember that you don't achieve change or improvement by maintaining your current behaviors and routines.  [Seems like a no-brainer, really, but it's a mental block over which we stumble with distressing regularity, isn't it?]  So I built myself a new morning routine, consisting of three principal elements:  (1) Getting out of bed when Scott does, so that I have that extra fifteen or twenty minutes; (2) Meditating immediately; and (3) Showering instead of taking a bath, because frankly, taking a bath does help loosen up stiff muscles and joints, but it also makes me want to go back to bed even more than I already did. 

I started out well, but being sick last week threw all my routines into disarray.  I think that might be the cause of the perplexing mental and emotional funk in which I found myself this past weekend.  I was just cranky. I seemed to be viewing the world through my nasty ochre-colored glasses, and I just didn't like myself or anything else on the planet. I really don't know what the problem was.

I do, however, know the cure.  I woke up still cranky this morning, and immediately followed the advice of Mariel Hemingway from the latest issue of Living Without - I sat up in bed, rubbed my feet, and thought grateful thoughts.  (It was harder than it should have been.  I have a lot to be grateful for in life, but when I'm in this mood, I tend to not be able to feel that way.)  I realized how dry my skin was and rubbed some lotion on - yay for self-care, right? - and then I got up and got going.

I didn't meditate.  I hadn't allowed myself time, because I didn't get up when Scott did.  Tomorrow, there will be an alarm set.  I did make my daily smoothie and prepare my healthy food for the day, and I listened to the Sirius/XM Spa channel on the way in - which seems to help my innate road-rage a lot - and (most importantly) I meditated at lunch.  Oh, the difference it makes.

I get most of my guided meditations from iTunes, primarily a podcast by Mary and Richard Maddux, whose wonderful work can be found at Mediation Oasis.  Today's meditation was a chakra meditation, which may sound fruity, but it's really all about body awareness.  And honestly, it doesn't seem to matter much what the topic of the meditation is (though there are some specific ones that have been very helpful, like Beyond Pain).  The process of consciously focusing my attention and being aware - in other words, deliberate mindfulness - truly calms me and helps me to be more aware, more alert, and stronger within myself.  It also helps me to be truly mindful of the good things in the world, and more joyful and grateful throughout the day.


I feel good now.  I've been able to recover my excitement at little things - most of which are so little I'd feel silly mentioning them, but they make a difference to my day.  I'm hopeful, I'm optimistic, I'm resolute and determined, and I'm more alert and mentally sharp.  It all makes me wonder why I would ever skip this?

A blogger I adore, Carla Birnberg of Mizfitonline.com, talked today about journaling when you feel really good, so you can recapture that feeling later when you don't.  I'm taking that advice.  This is how I feel when I've meditated - to help me find that feeling, but also to make me think twice when I'm tempted to lapse in my practice:

I can feel my entire body.  I'm aware of every sensation, every muscle contraction or induction, every breath, every reflexive movement or twinge.  I can feel the way the energy moves through my body, and this energizes my entire outlook.  I feel alive and strong and as though anything is possible.  Odd as it might seem, this hyper-awareness seems to make my pain and stiffness less.  I could speculate on why, but that's not what this is about.  Later, maybe.

I also care more about what I'm putting into my body.  Everything I take in, I feel working toward the nourishment of my whole self, and this makes me care more about what it is; it makes me glad that every ingredient in my daily smoothie is organic and fresh; that the water I am drinking is (to again quote Mariel Hemingway) good water, drunk from glass; that the clothing I chose this morning fits well and is comfortable as well as making me feel well-groomed and put together; that I will be going tonight to work out and following that with the stretching and myofascial release techniques that have made such a difference in my mobility and pain management. 

I am more conscious of my posture and the way that I move, which will also improve my pain levels and mobility.  I am more aware of my connection to and interaction with the world and people around me, which makes me a kinder, more compassionate and helpful person.  It makes me feel less isolated, resentful or alone.  I feel more creative (I can feel the words begging to be written, hence the length of this post!), more perceptive and just generally more aware

I'd like to feel this way all the time.  Realistically I know that I won't, but I can make it happen more often than not.  That's a good feeling, too - knowing that my choices determine my life.  


Friday, January 20, 2012

Smoothie of the Day

A little bit of intro info: Weekdays, I do one green smoothie for the day.  They're big smoothies; I drink half in the morning at about 9:30, and the other half in the afternoon at about 3:00 or 3:30.  This kind of helps me straddle the fence between eating every few hours, which I know is effective for me in terms of weight loss and blood sugar control, and wanting to keep my calories down so that my three "regular meals" can be a bit larger.  Depending on the smoothie, one-half generally averages about 200 calories, so that leaves around 1100 to divide among the rest of the day.  Also, these are incredibly nutritionally-dense calories.

On weekends, since Scott has been warily joining my smoothie kick when he's at home, I'll make two smoothies so we can share one in the morning and one in the afternoon.  I've been making essentially the same smoothie pretty much all the time (variations on banana/strawberry/apple combinations with baby spinach or maybe some romaine if I'm feeling adventurous) but have been branching out a little lately.

Today I decided I'm going to start shaking it up a little.  I want to do three different smoothies each week, which would mean I'll do each smoothie twice.  I want to work in some variety (the whole point of this is to be able to get in a lot of different fruits and veggies that I would never force myself to eat by themselves) without spending a thousand dollars at Whole Foods or filling the entire fridge with different forms of produce.  (As much as I love a fridge full of produce, I have to be practical about this.) 

So today's smoothie is kiwi, pear, banana (banana goes in pretty much all my smoothies as the base; I'm a big fan of bananas), radish greens (I thought they sounded gross too but I don't even taste them, as promised by IncredibleSmoothies, and romaine.  I didn't manage to get home with cilantro (long Whole Foods story, which I'll spare you) so I used romaine instead and I know that changes the flavor somewhat, but honestly, I'm fairly obsessed with this as it is.  It is absolutely amazing.  Kiwi turns out to be an amazing "cover" fruit that I will be using a lot.  I even gave this to the 12-year-old to try and she liked it.  [She adores fruit but does not do vegetables, other than green beans, and particularly despises green, leafy ones.  So that's quite an endorsement, right there.]  I would like to experiment with kale as it is evidently very strong, and see if the kiwi will cover it, but haven't quite worked up the courage yet.

Anyway, this is a fantastic smoothie with roughly a third of your daily calcium requirement and massive amounts of vitamins A and C (follow the link to Incredible Smoothies for exact nutrition info), which is great for those of us with compromised immune systems.

Tomorrow I'm going shopping armed with a list of ingredients for my Smoothie Trifecta for the coming week, and I'm looking forward to trying some new stuff.  It's amazing how much healthier, stronger, more energetic and alert I feel since starting the smoothie regimen.  I'm very excited about this!

 *A note - I'm using strictly organic produce for these smoothies, as leafy greens in particular will hold pesticides rather badly.  That does make it a little more expensive, but for me it's worth it.  YMMV.