I've decided that I really can't miss a day of meditation. My game plan has been meditation first thing in the morning, to start the day off on a certain note. I've seen this discussed in several forums (or fora, if you prefer the Latin), and while it immediately made sense to me, I have to admit I dismissed the possibility of applying it in my own life. I'm very protective of my sleep-time, and I'm not a fan of mornings. I'm generally very rushed and barely manage to get out the door on time, so the idea of somehow building even fifteen extra minutes into my morning routine seemed ludicrous at best.
Eventually I recovered my good sense enough to remember that you don't achieve change or improvement by maintaining your current behaviors and routines. [Seems like a no-brainer, really, but it's a mental block over which we stumble with distressing regularity, isn't it?] So I built myself a new morning routine, consisting of three principal elements: (1) Getting out of bed when Scott does, so that I have that extra fifteen or twenty minutes; (2) Meditating immediately; and (3) Showering instead of taking a bath, because frankly, taking a bath does help loosen up stiff muscles and joints, but it also makes me want to go back to bed even more than I already did.
I started out well, but being sick last week threw all my routines into disarray. I think that might be the cause of the perplexing mental and emotional funk in which I found myself this past weekend. I was just cranky. I seemed to be viewing the world through my nasty ochre-colored glasses, and I just didn't like myself or anything else on the planet. I really don't know what the problem was.
I do, however, know the cure. I woke up still cranky this morning, and immediately followed the advice of Mariel Hemingway from the latest issue of Living Without - I sat up in bed, rubbed my feet, and thought grateful thoughts. (It was harder than it should have been. I have a lot to be grateful for in life, but when I'm in this mood, I tend to not be able to feel that way.) I realized how dry my skin was and rubbed some lotion on - yay for self-care, right? - and then I got up and got going.
I didn't meditate. I hadn't allowed myself time, because I didn't get up when Scott did. Tomorrow, there will be an alarm set. I did make my daily smoothie and prepare my healthy food for the day, and I listened to the Sirius/XM Spa channel on the way in - which seems to help my innate road-rage a lot - and (most importantly) I meditated at lunch. Oh, the difference it makes.
I get most of my guided meditations from iTunes, primarily a podcast by Mary and Richard Maddux, whose wonderful work can be found at Mediation Oasis. Today's meditation was a chakra meditation, which may sound fruity, but it's really all about body awareness. And honestly, it doesn't seem to matter much what the topic of the meditation is (though there are some specific ones that have been very helpful, like Beyond Pain). The process of consciously focusing my attention and being aware - in other words, deliberate mindfulness - truly calms me and helps me to be more aware, more alert, and stronger within myself. It also helps me to be truly mindful of the good things in the world, and more joyful and grateful throughout the day.
I feel good now. I've been able to recover my excitement at little things - most of which are so little I'd feel silly mentioning them, but they make a difference to my day. I'm hopeful, I'm optimistic, I'm resolute and determined, and I'm more alert and mentally sharp. It all makes me wonder why I would ever skip this?
A blogger I adore, Carla Birnberg of Mizfitonline.com, talked today about journaling when you feel really good, so you can recapture that feeling later when you don't. I'm taking that advice. This is how I feel when I've meditated - to help me find that feeling, but also to make me think twice when I'm tempted to lapse in my practice:
I can feel my entire body. I'm aware of every sensation, every muscle contraction or induction, every breath, every reflexive movement or twinge. I can feel the way the energy moves through my body, and this energizes my entire outlook. I feel alive and strong and as though anything is possible. Odd as it might seem, this hyper-awareness seems to make my pain and stiffness less. I could speculate on why, but that's not what this is about. Later, maybe.
I also care more about what I'm putting into my body. Everything I take in, I feel working toward the nourishment of my whole self, and this makes me care more about what it is; it makes me glad that every ingredient in my daily smoothie is organic and fresh; that the water I am drinking is (to again quote Mariel Hemingway) good water, drunk from glass; that the clothing I chose this morning fits well and is comfortable as well as making me feel well-groomed and put together; that I will be going tonight to work out and following that with the stretching and myofascial release techniques that have made such a difference in my mobility and pain management.
I am more conscious of my posture and the way that I move, which will also improve my pain levels and mobility. I am more aware of my connection to and interaction with the world and people around me, which makes me a kinder, more compassionate and helpful person. It makes me feel less isolated, resentful or alone. I feel more creative (I can feel the words begging to be written, hence the length of this post!), more perceptive and just generally more aware.
I'd like to feel this way all the time. Realistically I know that I won't, but I can make it happen more often than not. That's a good feeling, too - knowing that my choices determine my life.
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